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The underdogs are hungry.

I am 99.9% confident that I have just spent most of the day running statistical analyses. However, I have spent the latter part of the day drinking while typing so cannot be absolutely certain. It is still possible that I have done nothing useful at all.

Perhaps it was the drink that made me wonder why Count Mandelson was talking about me. He wasn't, as it turns out. He was claiming 'underdog' status for the party that currently runs the country. Even though they are responsible fior the hell we live in now, even though they can spend millions on designer office furniture while the rest of us glue worn-out chairs back together, even though they rule over us with thousands of laws nobody understands and they routinely ignore, the Count still claims victim status. They are hard done by, having only three mansions each and barely enough illegal employees to clean them.

The Count claims he made a comeback. Utter rubbish. He has never rushed to claim the park bench that's most sheltered from the wind. He has never huddled under a bridge, growling, snarling and fighting for the spot that isn't hit by the rain. He has experienced nothing to come back from. What did he come back from? A cushy job in the EU. This hideously deformed weasel has never spent a night without cover in his life. He has never rushed to a freshly-roadkilled rabbit and treated it as a delicacy. Neither have his lickspittle cronies and his fawning sycophants  And yet he calls himself, and them, underdogs?

Watch them suffer the itchiness of Savile Row while we all bask in Oxfams's finest clothing lines. Get there early and you might find something that nearly fits. See them force down the caviar, while we gorge ourselves on Tesco own-brand food, magically engineered to taste the same no matter what it says on the tin. Oh, how dreadful it must be, never to relish the experience of public transport or bask in the bans and controls that the rest of us just take for granted. Oh, how those Labour underdogs suffer in the chaos they created for themselves while leaving the rest of us to play free in the fields and enjoy the fruits of our labour...

Underdogs, Mandelson? You have no idea what that means. Oh, you have the teeth for it but you won't risk them by biting into anything harder than a Brazilian bottom, and then you won't bite all that hard. You'd certainly never bite anything that might bite back.

The real underdogs bite upwards. They bite hard and they bite right through. Then they tear down.

Look down, Mandelson. Here we are. See our grins yet? See our NHS-dentist-ignored teeth?

They still work.
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( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
29th Sep, 2009 01:02 (UTC)
Which Mandelson are people supposed to believe anyway? The one who gave a rousing speech about underdogs making comebacks, or the one who had said the day before that he'd be happy to work for a Conservative government?

And do we believe Alastair Darling's upbeat speech to conference, or his remarks the day before about the Labour party having more or less given up?

Ambiguous isn't half of it.
29th Sep, 2009 22:46 (UTC)
I'm wondering if that 'I'll work for the Tories' was a sneaky way of putting off their voters? If the Tories had any brains at all they'd have said 'No chance, matey,' straight away. They didn't.

What Labour still don't realise is that they are not losing votes to the Tories. They are losing them to somewhere else. Their ex-voters won't care about all that anti-Tory rhetoric because they weren't going to vote for them anyway. They will vote for other socialists - the SNP in Scotland, Plaid Cymru in Wales and the BNP in England.

Labour are currently third to the Lib dems. In one of the local elections in the South, Labour actually came in below the Monster Raving Loonies. In many of those elections they came in behind the BNP.

They just won't see it. No point telling them any more, it's already too late.

I hope Mandelson's face is on a live webcast on polling day.
29th Sep, 2009 02:04 (UTC)
An overlord posing as an underdog.

How many will see through that?

He might have given Labour activists hope, but if so, they are deluded. The majority despise Labour and despise Mandelson more and have long sussed his manipulations.

Labour might see an up-blip in their poll ratings, but it won't last.

Ditto the Tories.
29th Sep, 2009 22:41 (UTC)
How many who have just lost jobs and are sruck in houses they can't sell because they are worth less than they still owe, will feel sorry for this yacht-party socialist?

Oh, I bet there'll be one. There's always one.

But not many more.
29th Sep, 2009 03:24 (UTC)
If that poisonous little "man" put life back into the Labour conference today, then they are in a lot worse shape than we thought! His speech was absolutely vile, (as much of it as I could stomach without changing channels), and Labour are the living dead.
29th Sep, 2009 22:40 (UTC)
Not to worry. He might have put life in but Gordon soon drained it back out.
29th Sep, 2009 04:45 (UTC)
"This hideously deformed weasel has never spent a night without cover in his life."

You haven't read a biography of his youth - in the Scouts methinks.

I mean, the cover bit, the weasel reference is perfectly correct.

The Underdoug
29th Sep, 2009 22:39 (UTC)
Ah, but the Scouts use tents. That counts as cover.

29th Sep, 2009 10:41 (UTC)
You can see the whites of their eyes - they smell the fear of massive defeat and loss of earnings after 6th May 2010.

Even their own supporters are leaving in droves - check here:

29th Sep, 2009 22:38 (UTC)
Thanks for that link. The comments are far more fun to read than the articles!
29th Sep, 2009 20:41 (UTC)
In order for a political comeback to be of any worth, it must surely be endorsed by the voters in an election. Neither Mandelson nor Brown are elected to their positions, neither substantial parts of the Cabinet.
29th Sep, 2009 22:38 (UTC)
Good point. he didn't 'come back', he was invited back. Not the same thing at all.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )